1
00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:07,873
( cash register rings )
2
00:00:07,941 --> 00:00:10,387
♪ GROUND FLOOR... PERFUMERY,
STATIONERY, AND LEATHER GOODS ♪
3
00:00:10,411 --> 00:00:12,911
♪ WIGS AND HABERDASHERY
KITCHENWARE AND FOOD... ♪
4
00:00:12,980 --> 00:00:14,980
♪ GOING UP... ♪
5
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♪ FIRST FLOOR... TELEPHONES,
GENTS' READYMADE SUITS ♪
6
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♪ SHIRTS, SOCKS, TIES, HATS, ♪
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♪ UNDERWEAR AND
SHOES GOING UP... ♪
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GOOD MORNING, CAPTAIN PEACOCK.
9
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8:58.
10
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AS DEPARTMENTAL HEAD
OF LADIES' READYMADES,
11
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I HARDLY THINK IT NECESSARY
FOR ME TO CLOCK IN LIKE A CHAR.
12
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( sighs ) I'M NOT ASKING
YOU TO DO ANYTHING
13
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THAT I HAVE NOT DONE
MYSELF, MRS. SLOCOMBE.
14
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"CAPTAIN PEACOCK, 8:31."
15
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( sighs )
16
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Peacock: WHAT HAS
HAPPENED TO MISS BRAHMS?
17
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SHE ISN'T LATE, SHE'S
POWDERING HER NOSE.
18
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SHE OUGHT TO SIGN IN FIRST.
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IT WAS VERY URGENT THAT
SHE POWDERED IT WHEN SHE DID.
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AND I GAVE HER
PERMISSION SO TO DO.
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GOOD MORNING, DAPHNE.
22
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Daphne: MORNING.
23
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MORNING, CAPTAIN PEACOCK.
24
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8:59 AND 10...
25
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10 SECONDS, YES. I
WOULD'VE BEEN HERE AT 8:58,
26
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BUT I CAUGHT MY
HANDBAG IN THE LIFT.
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HANDBAG?
28
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IT'S MISS BRAHMS', ACTUALLY.
29
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SHE LEFT IT ON THE STAIRS.
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SHE MUST HAVE BEEN
IN RATHER A HURRY.
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BESIDES, I WOULDN'T BE SEEN
DEAD WITH IMITATION CROCODILE...
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NOT WITH THESE SHOES, ANYWAY.
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- GOOD MORNING, MR. GRAINGER.
- GOOD MORNING, MR. HUMPHRIES.
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MY WORD, WE HAVE GOT NICE
ROSY CHEEKS THIS MORNING.
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YES, I WALKED THROUGH THE PARK
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IN ORDER TO GIVE MY
TOAST CRUSTS TO THE DUCKS.
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MY WIFE DOESN'T LIKE
ME TO LEAVE THEM, BUT...
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THESE NEW TEETH OF MINE...
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THEY'RE A LITTLE
TOO MUCH FOR THEM.
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EVEN THE DUCKS HAVE TO
WAIT UNTIL THEY GO SOGGY.
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THEY'LL PROBABLY BE ALL RIGHT
WHEN YOU'VE RUN THEM IN A BIT.
42
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THAT WAS A NEAR THING. HAH!
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NOT QUITE NEAR
ENOUGH, MR. LUCAS.
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IT IS ONE MINUTE PAST 9:00.
45
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OH, DEAR, HAVE ALL
THE CUSTOMERS GONE?
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THAT IS NOT THE
POINT, MR. LUCAS.
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YOU ARE EXPECTED HERE AT
9:00, NOT ONE MINUTE AFTER.
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AH, WELL, CAPTAIN, I
WAS HERE. I WAS OUTSIDE
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AT FIVE MINUTES TO 9:00.
JUST AS I WAS COMING IN,
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A MAN WAS CROSSING THE
ROAD, AND GOT KNOCKED DOWN.
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A TALL, MILITARY
LOOKING MAN, HE WAS.
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"OH, DEARY ME," I THOUGHT.
"IT'S CAPTAIN PEACOCK.
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HE WAS EARLY LIKE ME, AND GOT
KNOCKED DOWN CROSSING THE ROAD."
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MY HEART WAS IN MY MOUTH, SIR.
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I THOUGHT TO MYSELF,
"NOT CAPTAIN PEACOCK,
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NOT STRUCK DOWN AT
THE HEIGHT OF HIS CAREER."
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"STAND BACK," I SAID. "I'LL GIVE
MY BLOOD FOR CAPTAIN PEACOCK."
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ANYWAY, BY THE TIME I FOUGHT
MY WAY THROUGH THE CROWD,
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FOUND OUT IT WASN'T YOU
BUT SOME DIRTY OLD TRAMP,
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AND THEN GOT BACK HERE,
IT WAS ONE MINUTE AFTER.
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- OOH, JUST A MINUTE, SIR.
- WHAT IS IT?
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A SMALL INSECT HAS CREPT
OUT OF YOUR CARNATION
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AND CROUCHED ON YOUR COLLAR.
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- DEAL WITH IT, LUCAS.
- CERTAINLY, SIR.
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THERE YOU ARE. IT'S DEAD.
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WAS THERE ANYTHING ELSE, SIR?
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YES. GET ME A 15 1/2
COLLAR FROM STOCK,
68
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AND THEN PRESENT YOURSELF
TO MR. RUMBOLD'S OFFICE
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AT 9:15 WITH YOUR SALES BOOK.
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YES, SIR. CERTAINLY, SIR.
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SORRY I'M LATE, CAPTAIN PEACOCK.
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- THAT'S ALL RIGHT, MISS BRAHMS.
- IT'S ALL RIGHT FOR HER?
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- SHE HAS BEEN
POWDERING HER NOSE.
- WHY IS IT SO SHINY THEN?
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TO YOUR COUNTER, MR. LUCAS.
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SIR. ( heel clicks )
76
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- TAKE YOUR COAT.
- ( heel clicks )
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DID YOU HAVE A NICE LITTLE CHAT?
78
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HE SAID I'VE GOT TO REPORT TO
RUMBOLD AT 9:15 WITH MY SALES BOOK.
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WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
80
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IN THE TERMS OF THE ALMIGHTY'S
81
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GRAND PLAN FOR THE
UNIVERSE, VERY LITTLE.
82
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BUT AS FAR AS YOU'RE CONCERNED,
83
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IT PROBABLY MEANS YOU'LL BE AT
THE LABOR EXCHANGE AT HALF PAST 9:00.
84
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I WAS STRUGGLING WITH THIS
85
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FOR 10 MINUTES YESTERDAY...
86
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AND IN FRONT OF A CUSTOMER, TOO.
87
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MINE'S JUST AS BAD.
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IT'S THIS DAMP WEATHER.
IT'S ALWAYS THE SAME.
89
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I'D BETTER GIVE IT A
BIT OF ENCOURAGEMENT.
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ARE THEY ALL
THERE, DO YOU THINK?
91
00:03:59,172 --> 00:04:01,806
THEY SHOULD BE, MR. RUMBOLD.
IT'S NEARLY FIVE PAST 9:00.
92
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RIGHT, I'LL GO AND HAVE A WORD.
93
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IS CAPTAIN PEACOCK THERE?
94
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HE'S JUST ARRIVED, SIR. HE'S
JUST PUTTING HIS COLLAR ON.
95
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WHAT?
96
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WE EXPECT YOU TO GET DRESSED
97
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BEFORE YOU ARRIVE AT GRACE
BROTHERS, CAPTAIN PEACOCK.
98
00:04:19,192 --> 00:04:23,061
I DO NOT EXPECT TO FIND YOU
UNATTIRED AT FIVE PAST 9:00.
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- I CAN EXPLAIN, SIR.
- I DON'T WANT TO HEAR
ANY EXCUSES.
100
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I WANT A WORD WITH THE
MEMBERS OF YOUR DEPARTMENT.
101
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OF COURSE, OF COURSE.
102
00:04:30,337 --> 00:04:33,283
MR. GRAINGER, WOULD YOU STEP
THIS WAY, PLEASE, IF YOU'RE FREE?
103
00:04:33,307 --> 00:04:36,141
YES, I'M... I'M FREE,
CAPTAIN PEACOCK.
104
00:04:36,209 --> 00:04:37,376
MR. HUMPHRIES, MR. LUCAS?
105
00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:38,688
FREE, CAPTAIN PEACOCK.
106
00:04:38,712 --> 00:04:40,223
OH, VERY FREE, CAPTAIN PEACOCK.
107
00:04:40,247 --> 00:04:41,713
STEP THIS WAY.
108
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MRS. SLOCOMBE, MISS
BRAHMS, ONE MOMENT, PLEASE.
109
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MISS BRAHMS?
110
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BEFORE WE GO ANY
FURTHER, MR. RUMBOLD.
111
00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:51,834
MISS BRAHMS AND I
WOULD LIKE TO COMPLAIN
112
00:04:51,858 --> 00:04:53,558
ABOUT THE STATE OF OUR DRAWERS.
113
00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:56,861
THEY'RE... THEY'RE A
POSITIVE DISGRACE.
114
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YOUR WHAT, MRS. SLOCOMBE?
115
00:04:59,366 --> 00:05:01,177
OUR DRAWERS. THEY'RE STICKING.
116
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- IT'S ALWAYS THE SAME
IN DAMP WEATHER.
- REALLY?
117
00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:08,285
MISS BRAHMS COULD HARDLY
SHIFT HERS AT ALL JUST NOW.
118
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NO WONDER SHE WAS LATE.
119
00:05:12,579 --> 00:05:15,213
THEY SENT UP A MAN WHO
PUT BEESWAX ON THEM,
120
00:05:15,282 --> 00:05:17,349
BUT THAT MADE THEM WORSE.
121
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I'M NOT SURPRISED.
122
00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:20,819
I THINK THEY NEED SANDPAPERING.
123
00:05:20,887 --> 00:05:23,121
WOULD THAT HELP, DO
YOU THINK, PEACOCK?
124
00:05:23,190 --> 00:05:26,658
I PUFF FRENCH CHALK ON MINE,
125
00:05:26,727 --> 00:05:29,728
AND THEY'RE AS SMOOTH AS SILK.
126
00:05:29,797 --> 00:05:32,776
PERHAPS YOU COULD PUFF SOME
FRENCH CHALK OVER MRS. SLOCOMBE'S.
127
00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:36,346
WOULD THAT SOLVE YOUR
PROBLEM, MRS. SLOCOMBE?
128
00:05:36,370 --> 00:05:37,569
THEY OUGHT TO BE CHANGED.
129
00:05:37,638 --> 00:05:39,571
I'VE HAD THEM EVER
SINCE I'VE BEEN HERE.
130
00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:43,875
PERHAPS WE COULD LOOK INTO IT
SOME OTHER TIME, MRS. SLOCOMBE.
131
00:05:43,944 --> 00:05:45,210
MR. RUMBOLD HAS MATTERS
132
00:05:45,278 --> 00:05:47,713
OF A MUCH MORE PRESSING
NATURE TO DISCUSS.
133
00:05:47,781 --> 00:05:50,882
THEY'RE VERY PRESSING
AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED.
134
00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:54,185
PERHAPS MR. RUMBOLD WOULD LIKE
TO HAVE A GO AND SEE HOW FAR HE GETS.
135
00:05:54,254 --> 00:05:56,666
I THINK WE SHOULD
CONSIDER THE MATTER CLOSED
136
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FOR THE MOMENT, MRS. SLOCOMBE.
137
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AHEM. I HAVE BEEN
DEEPLY DISTRESSED
138
00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:03,862
TO LEARN OF THE SLUMP IN OUR
SALES OVER THE PAST FOUR WEEKS,
139
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WHICH I'M SURE
YOU'VE ALL OBSERVED?
140
00:06:05,566 --> 00:06:08,166
YES, I HAVE OBSERVED IT.
HAVEN'T YOU, MR. GRAINGER?
141
00:06:08,235 --> 00:06:10,179
OOH, A VERY DEFINITE
SLUMP I WOULD SAY.
142
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HAD YOU OBSERVED
IT, MR. HUMPHRIES?
143
00:06:11,805 --> 00:06:13,316
I'VE OBSERVED IT, MR. GRAINGER.
144
00:06:13,340 --> 00:06:15,460
YOU OBSERVED IT, TOO,
DIDN'T YOU, MR. LUCAS?
145
00:06:15,509 --> 00:06:16,853
OH, YES, DEFINITELY.
146
00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:18,988
I HAD OBSERVED IT,
MR. HUMPHRIES. OH, YES.
147
00:06:19,012 --> 00:06:21,725
IF YOU REMEMBER RIGHTLY, I
MENTIONED IT TO YOU LAST TUESDAY.
148
00:06:21,749 --> 00:06:24,449
YES. AND I MENTIONED IT
TO YOU, CAPTAIN PEACOCK.
149
00:06:24,518 --> 00:06:26,084
THAT'S RIGHT.
150
00:06:26,152 --> 00:06:28,352
THAT'S WHAT CAUSED ME
TO DISCUSS IT WITH YOU, SIR.
151
00:06:28,389 --> 00:06:32,323
I THINK THAT'S WHAT FIRST
ALERTED ME TO THE CRISIS
152
00:06:32,393 --> 00:06:34,926
IN THE FIRST PLACE.
NOW, THE THING IS...
153
00:06:34,995 --> 00:06:38,296
I DON'T WANT TO PUT TOO
FINE A POINT UPON IT... WHY?
154
00:06:38,365 --> 00:06:40,699
AH...
155
00:06:40,768 --> 00:06:43,167
HAVE YOU ANY THEORIES
TO ADVANCE, MR. GRAINGER?
156
00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:45,871
AFTER ALL, YOU'VE BEEN
WITH US LONGER THAN MOST.
157
00:06:45,939 --> 00:06:50,174
FROM A VERY CONSIDERABLE
EXPERIENCE IN THE TRADE...
158
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:53,089
I WOULD SAY THAT THESE
THINGS COME AND GO.
159
00:06:53,113 --> 00:06:54,791
THAT'S VERY TRUE, OF COURSE.
160
00:06:54,815 --> 00:06:56,180
AND VERY PROFOUND.
161
00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:57,994
WHAT ABOUT YOU, MR. HUMPHRIES?
162
00:06:58,018 --> 00:07:01,152
AS DEPARTMENTAL HEAD
OF THE LADIES' SECTION,
163
00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:03,121
I THINK I SHOULD
HAVE BEEN ASKED NEXT.
164
00:07:03,189 --> 00:07:05,067
OF COURSE, MRS.
SLOCOMBE, I'M SORRY.
165
00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:06,168
HAVE YOU ANY SUGGESTIONS?
166
00:07:06,192 --> 00:07:07,192
NO.
167
00:07:08,395 --> 00:07:09,561
THANK YOU.
168
00:07:09,630 --> 00:07:11,596
BUT I DO LIKE TO BE ASKED.
169
00:07:11,665 --> 00:07:15,233
- I THINK IT'S THE WEATHER,
DON'T YOU, MR. LUCAS?
- YES, THAT'S IT.
170
00:07:15,302 --> 00:07:17,614
YES, IT'S DEFINITELY...
IT'S THE WEATHER, YES.
171
00:07:17,638 --> 00:07:20,038
THAT, PLUS THE FACT
WE'VE HAD NO CUSTOMERS.
172
00:07:21,742 --> 00:07:24,876
THE POINTS YOU'VE ALL
RAISED ARE VERY VALID,
173
00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:28,179
BUT I THINK THE TIME
HAS COME FOR ACTION.
174
00:07:28,248 --> 00:07:30,715
- HEAR, HEAR.
- THANK YOU. YES.
175
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:32,451
I THEREFORE THINK
IT WOULD PAY US
176
00:07:32,519 --> 00:07:35,286
TO EXAMINE OUR WHOLE
CUSTOMER HANDLING TECHNIQUE.
177
00:07:35,355 --> 00:07:39,190
AND, TO THAT END, I SHALL BE
HOLDING A COURSE IN SALESMANSHIP...
178
00:07:39,259 --> 00:07:42,360
A CLASS IN SALESMANSHIP... THIS
EVENING AFTER THE STORE CLOSES.
179
00:07:42,429 --> 00:07:44,140
YOU MEAN IN OUR OWN TIME?
180
00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:48,467
IT'S VERY SHORT NOTICE.
THERE'S MY PUSSY TO CONSIDER.
181
00:07:48,535 --> 00:07:51,803
- I BEG YOUR PARDON?
- WHO'S GOING TO LET IT OUT?
182
00:07:51,872 --> 00:07:55,340
IF IT'S NOT CONVENIENT, I
SHALL, OF COURSE, UNDERSTAND,
183
00:07:55,408 --> 00:07:58,376
BUT I WOULD REMIND YOU ALL
THAT UNLESS SALES IMPROVE,
184
00:07:58,445 --> 00:08:00,912
WE SHALL HAVE TO CUT
DOWN ON OUR STAFF.
185
00:08:02,783 --> 00:08:05,350
OH, IT'S CONVENIENT.
186
00:08:05,418 --> 00:08:07,652
I SUPPOSE IT'LL BE ALL RIGHT.
187
00:08:07,721 --> 00:08:10,689
"TIDDLES" WILL HAVE
TO CROSS HIS LEGS.
188
00:08:10,757 --> 00:08:13,592
I PRESUME YOU WILL
NOT BE NEEDING ME, SIR.
189
00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:16,895
I HAVE TWO TICKETS FOR
THE TIDWORTH TATTOO.
190
00:08:16,964 --> 00:08:20,198
YOUR ATTENDANCE WOULD BE
VALUABLE, CAPTAIN PEACOCK.
191
00:08:20,266 --> 00:08:22,767
IT'S TA-TA TO THE TATTOO.
192
00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:24,536
I THINK THAT'S ALL
FOR THE MOMENT.
193
00:08:24,605 --> 00:08:27,283
OH, MR. LUCAS, PERHAPS YOU
WOULD COME TO MY OFFICE NOW?
194
00:08:27,307 --> 00:08:29,719
I WANT TO GO OVER YOUR
PERSONAL SALES RECORD
195
00:08:29,743 --> 00:08:30,820
FOR THE PAST MONTH.
196
00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:32,989
BRING YOUR BOOK WITH YOU, HMM?
197
00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:34,445
YES, SIR.
198
00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:37,916
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU
WANT YOUR BOOK FOR.
199
00:08:37,985 --> 00:08:40,118
I WOULD'VE THOUGHT YOU'D
REMEMBER YOUR SALES...
200
00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:43,254
- ALL THREE OF THEM. HAH.
- OH, CHARMING.
201
00:08:43,323 --> 00:08:44,767
♪ HEIGH-HO, HEIGH-HO ♪
202
00:08:44,791 --> 00:08:47,826
♪ IT'S OUT OF WORK WE GO.. ♪
203
00:08:47,895 --> 00:08:48,994
HONESTLY, IT'S THE LIMIT.
204
00:08:49,062 --> 00:08:51,062
THEY DON'T CONSIDER
YOUR PRIVATE LIFE AT ALL.
205
00:08:51,131 --> 00:08:54,365
- DID YOU HAVE A DATE?
- NO, BUT I MIGHT HAVE HAD.
206
00:08:54,434 --> 00:08:56,267
I SUPPOSE I OUGHT TO
PHONE MRS. GRAINGER
207
00:08:56,336 --> 00:08:58,937
AND TELL HER TO KEEP
THE PIE WARM IN THE OVEN.
208
00:08:59,006 --> 00:09:01,718
YES, TELL HER TO TURN THE
REGULO DOWN TO A QUARTER.
209
00:09:01,742 --> 00:09:03,052
IF SHE HARDENS THAT CRUST,
210
00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:05,388
IT'LL PLAY HAVOC WITH YOUR GUMS.
211
00:09:05,412 --> 00:09:06,945
( bell ringing )
212
00:09:07,014 --> 00:09:08,691
RIGHT, POSITIONS, EVERYBODY.
213
00:09:08,715 --> 00:09:11,683
THE MEETING'S OVER. COME ALONG.
214
00:09:11,752 --> 00:09:13,084
( knock on door )
215
00:09:13,153 --> 00:09:15,473
COME IN, MR. LUCAS.
216
00:09:18,358 --> 00:09:19,791
ER...
217
00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:30,802
I BELIEVE YOU WANTED TO
HAVE A LITTLE CHAT WITH ME, SIR?
218
00:09:30,871 --> 00:09:33,038
- SHUT THE DOOR, PLEASE.
- YES, SIR.
219
00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:36,808
NOW, LUCAS, I HAVE HERE
YOUR PERSONAL SALES GRAPH.
220
00:09:36,877 --> 00:09:39,678
I PRESUME YOU KNOW
WHAT THIS MEANS?
221
00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:44,382
ARE YOU SURE IT'S
THE RIGHT WAY UP, SIR?
222
00:09:45,485 --> 00:09:47,185
I'M AFRAID SO.
223
00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:49,588
I PRESUME YOU UNDERSTAND IT?
224
00:09:49,656 --> 00:09:52,523
IF I WAS A DOCTOR, THE
PATIENT WOULD BE DEAD.
225
00:09:52,593 --> 00:09:55,326
THERE IS NO CAUSE FOR LEVITY.
226
00:09:55,395 --> 00:09:58,529
- IT'S NERVES, SIR.
- UNDERSTANDABLE.
227
00:09:58,599 --> 00:10:01,759
NONETHELESS, THIS IS A
VERY POOR PERFORMANCE.
228
00:10:09,643 --> 00:10:11,910
I ALWAYS THINK THAT
THERE IS A REASON
229
00:10:11,979 --> 00:10:14,545
FOR A POOR PERFORMANCE.
230
00:10:14,615 --> 00:10:17,782
A HAPPY SALESMAN
IS A GOOD SALESMAN.
231
00:10:17,851 --> 00:10:22,220
YOU DON'T LOOK HAPPY, MR. LUCAS.
232
00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:25,523
I THINK IF YOU COULD
SMILE MORE, IT WOULD HELP.
233
00:10:25,592 --> 00:10:29,327
I'M SORRY IF I HAVEN'T BEEN
SMILING ENOUGH, MR. RUMBOLD.
234
00:10:29,395 --> 00:10:31,663
BUT THERE MUST BE
A REASON. ARE YOU...
235
00:10:31,732 --> 00:10:36,701
I DON'T WISH TO PRY... BUT
ARE YOU... UNHAPPY AT HOME?
236
00:10:36,770 --> 00:10:41,139
AH... YES.
237
00:10:41,207 --> 00:10:43,341
THAT COULD VERY WELL BE IT, YES.
238
00:10:43,409 --> 00:10:46,778
NOW WE'RE GETTING SOMEWHERE.
SIT DOWN AND TELL ME ABOUT IT.
239
00:10:46,847 --> 00:10:48,913
THANK YOU. YES, SIR.
240
00:10:53,586 --> 00:10:55,531
IT'S MY ENVIRONMENT,
YOU SEE, SIR.
241
00:10:55,555 --> 00:10:58,389
I'VE ONLY GOT THIS ONE
SHABBY LITTLE ROOM.
242
00:10:58,458 --> 00:11:02,727
- IN HIGHGATE, ISN'T IT?
- YES, VERY POOR PART
OF HIGHGATE, THOUGH.
243
00:11:02,796 --> 00:11:06,430
EVER SINCE WE TOOK IN THAT ASIAN
TO HELP MAKE ENDS MEET, WELL...
244
00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:09,567
THE STRAIN HAS BEEN TOO
MUCH FOR MY CRIPPLED MOTHER,
245
00:11:09,636 --> 00:11:14,338
AND... SHE'S HAD TO GIVE UP
HER JOB AT THE SKATING RINK.
246
00:11:14,407 --> 00:11:16,252
TAKING... TAKING THE TICKETS.
247
00:11:16,276 --> 00:11:18,643
I HAD NO IDEA.
248
00:11:18,712 --> 00:11:20,078
YES.
249
00:11:20,147 --> 00:11:25,050
WELL... ( sobbing )
250
00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:28,386
WHAT WITH THAT AND
THE FACT THAT THE...
251
00:11:28,454 --> 00:11:31,454
THE CAT'S GOT ASTHMA AND
HAS BEEN COUGHING ALL NIGHT...
252
00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:36,227
WHAT WITH ALL THAT AND
ALSO THE FACT THAT I HAVE TO...
253
00:11:36,296 --> 00:11:38,763
WE HAVE TO COOK ON A
BROKEN OLD GAS RING...
254
00:11:38,832 --> 00:11:42,000
THERE ARE DAYS WHEN SOMEHOW
LIFE SEEMS TO HAVE LOST ITS MAGIC.
255
00:11:44,004 --> 00:11:47,872
PARTICULARLY SINCE WE HAD
AN EVICTION ORDER THIS MORNING.
256
00:11:47,941 --> 00:11:49,752
BUT, AS YOU SUGGEST,
MR. RUMBOLD,
257
00:11:49,776 --> 00:11:53,044
I WILL DO MY BEST AND
TRY AND SMILE A BIT MORE.
258
00:11:53,113 --> 00:11:55,980
( blows loudly )
259
00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:58,583
THIS REALLY IS A
MOST TERRIBLE STORY.
260
00:11:58,651 --> 00:12:01,019
- IS IT?
- YES.
261
00:12:01,088 --> 00:12:04,488
I... I FEEL IT SHOULD BE
ENTERED INTO YOUR RECORD.
262
00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:06,191
AH, YES.
263
00:12:06,259 --> 00:12:09,560
NOW, LET ME SEE, YOU
LIVE IN CRIPPLEGATE...
264
00:12:09,629 --> 00:12:10,862
HIGHGATE.
265
00:12:10,931 --> 00:12:11,931
HIGHGATE.
266
00:12:11,998 --> 00:12:14,665
AND YOUR MOTHER IS AN ASIAN.
267
00:12:14,735 --> 00:12:16,478
NO, NO, WE TOOK IN AN ASIAN.
268
00:12:16,502 --> 00:12:18,469
YOUR MOTHER HAS A COUGH.
269
00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:20,705
NO, NO. THE CAT'S GOT THE COUGH.
270
00:12:20,774 --> 00:12:26,410
AND YOU'RE SUPPORTING THIS
ASIAN ON A BROKEN GAS RING.
271
00:12:26,479 --> 00:12:28,412
SHALL I WRITE IT DOWN FOR YOU?
272
00:12:29,850 --> 00:12:32,583
IF THE ELASTIC GOES AGAIN,
273
00:12:32,652 --> 00:12:35,120
WE'LL RETURN THEM
TO THE MANUFACTURERS.
274
00:12:35,188 --> 00:12:36,921
GOOD MORNING, MADAM.
275
00:12:36,990 --> 00:12:39,457
GOOD MORNING, MADAM.
276
00:12:39,525 --> 00:12:41,403
- GOOD MORNING.
- GOOD MORNING.
277
00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:45,063
MRS. SLOCOMBE, I HOPE YOUR
CAT WON'T SUFFER UNDULY
278
00:12:45,132 --> 00:12:46,809
FROM ITS ENFORCED CONFINEMENT.
279
00:12:46,833 --> 00:12:49,134
OH, IT'S NOT CONFINED.
280
00:12:49,202 --> 00:12:51,002
IT'S SHUT UP.
281
00:12:51,071 --> 00:12:52,336
AH.
282
00:12:52,405 --> 00:12:54,973
LET'S HOPE THAT YOU
WON'T BE TOO LATE.
283
00:12:55,041 --> 00:12:57,909
AND TOO BAD ABOUT YOUR
TATTOO, CAPTAIN PEACOCK.
284
00:12:57,978 --> 00:13:00,790
I ALWAYS THOUGHT TATTOOS WERE
THINGS YOU DID ON MEN'S CHESTS
285
00:13:00,814 --> 00:13:02,458
WITH NEEDLES AND BLUE INK.
286
00:13:02,482 --> 00:13:05,784
NOT ONLY ON MEN'S
CHESTS, MISS BRAHMS.
287
00:13:05,852 --> 00:13:09,120
CAPTAIN PEACOCK,
WHAT WILL YOU SAY NEXT?
288
00:13:09,189 --> 00:13:10,332
( chuckles )
289
00:13:10,356 --> 00:13:13,424
AS A MATTER OF
FACT, IT REMINDS ME
290
00:13:13,493 --> 00:13:16,127
OF A BIT OF DOGGEREL I
PICKED UP IN THE MESS.
291
00:13:16,196 --> 00:13:19,630
OH, YES?
292
00:13:19,699 --> 00:13:23,835
"ON THE CHEST OF A
BARMAID FROM SALE
293
00:13:23,904 --> 00:13:26,637
WAS TATTOOED ALL
THE PRICES OF ALE.
294
00:13:26,706 --> 00:13:28,606
WHILST ON HER BEHIND,
295
00:13:28,675 --> 00:13:30,352
FOR THE SAKE OF THE BLIND,
296
00:13:30,376 --> 00:13:32,777
WAS PRECISELY THE
SAME, BUT IN BRAILLE."
297
00:13:40,753 --> 00:13:43,721
WILL THAT BE ALL,
CAPTAIN PEACOCK?
298
00:13:46,059 --> 00:13:49,027
I DO HOPE YOUR HUSBAND
LIKES THE SWEATER, MADAM.
299
00:13:49,095 --> 00:13:51,362
THE WASHING INSTRUCTIONS
ARE VERY SIMPLE...
300
00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:55,066
USE LUKEWARM WATER.
NO SOAP, NO DETERGENT,
301
00:13:55,135 --> 00:13:57,601
AND DON'T PUT IT IN
THE WASHING MACHINE.
302
00:13:57,670 --> 00:14:01,906
AND DON'T DRY IT IN THE SUN
OR IN FRONT OF AN OPEN FIRE.
303
00:14:01,975 --> 00:14:03,886
OH, AND, MADAM, IF I WERE YOU,
304
00:14:03,910 --> 00:14:06,610
HALF REVS ON THE SPIN DRYER.
305
00:14:09,983 --> 00:14:11,794
OOH, YOU'RE BACK QUICK.
306
00:14:11,818 --> 00:14:14,964
I WAS GOING TO START A COLLECTION
FOR YOUR LEAVING PRESENT.
307
00:14:14,988 --> 00:14:17,188
I TALKED MYSELF OUT
OF IT. I'M STAYIN' ON.
308
00:14:17,257 --> 00:14:19,902
DID YOU TELL HIM ABOUT YOUR
GRANDFATHER IN THE IRON LUNG,
309
00:14:19,926 --> 00:14:22,038
AND HOW YOU CAN'T AFFORD
A SHILLING FOR THE METER?
310
00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:24,562
NO, I GAVE HIM THE
CRIPPLED MOTHER
311
00:14:24,630 --> 00:14:26,408
WITH THE ASIAN AND
THE ASTHMATIC CAT.
312
00:14:26,432 --> 00:14:29,367
YOU USED A LOT
OF MATERIAL THERE.
313
00:14:29,435 --> 00:14:31,002
WHAT DID HE SAY?
314
00:14:31,071 --> 00:14:33,804
HE SAID I SHOULD TRY
AND SMILE A BIT MORE.
315
00:14:35,842 --> 00:14:37,775
IS THAT IT?
316
00:14:37,844 --> 00:14:40,556
TAKE THAT SILLY GRIN
OFF YOUR FACE, MR. LUCAS.
317
00:14:40,580 --> 00:14:42,780
IT'S VERY BAD FOR TRADE.
318
00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:47,230
YOU JUST CAN'T WIN, CAN YOU?
319
00:14:47,254 --> 00:14:49,198
TAKE NO NOTICE OF
HIM. HE'S JEALOUS.
320
00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:52,056
IF HE TRIED IT, THEY'D
DROP ON THE FLOOR.
321
00:14:52,125 --> 00:14:54,926
NO TALKING, LUCAS.
THERE'S A CUSTOMER.
322
00:14:54,995 --> 00:14:57,473
A CUSTOMER? WE'D BETTER
HAVE A TWO-MINUTE SILENCE.
323
00:14:57,497 --> 00:14:59,630
DON'T BE FACETIOUS, MR. LUCAS.
324
00:14:59,699 --> 00:15:01,266
YOUR FUTURE WITH THIS FIRM
325
00:15:01,334 --> 00:15:02,945
IS STILL VERY MUCH IN
THE BALANCE, YOU KNOW.
326
00:15:02,969 --> 00:15:04,269
MR. GRAINGER, ARE YOU FREE?
327
00:15:04,337 --> 00:15:08,472
OH, YES, YES, I'M FREE... YOURS.
328
00:15:08,541 --> 00:15:09,473
I BEG YOUR PARDON?
329
00:15:09,542 --> 00:15:10,909
SHOP!
330
00:15:10,977 --> 00:15:13,344
OH.
331
00:15:17,284 --> 00:15:19,384
ARE YOU BEING SERVED, SIR?
332
00:15:19,452 --> 00:15:21,619
NO, AND I'D LIKE TO
SEE THE ASSISTANT
333
00:15:21,687 --> 00:15:23,288
WHO SERVED ME LAST TUESDAY.
334
00:15:23,356 --> 00:15:25,935
OH, YES. THAT WOULD BE
OUR MR. HUMPHRIES, I THINK.
335
00:15:25,959 --> 00:15:27,669
MR. HUMPHRIES, ARE YOU FREE?
336
00:15:27,693 --> 00:15:30,328
YES, I'M FREE, MR. GRAINGER.
337
00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:35,978
GOOD MORNING,
SIR. CAN I HELP YOU?
338
00:15:36,002 --> 00:15:38,469
NO, IT WASN'T YOU I WANTED.
339
00:15:38,538 --> 00:15:40,104
HE WAS YOUNGER AND GOOD-LOOKING.
340
00:15:40,173 --> 00:15:41,806
OH.
341
00:15:41,874 --> 00:15:43,685
IT HAD TO HAPPEN EVENTUALLY.
342
00:15:43,709 --> 00:15:47,245
WELL, THEN, IT MUST
BE OUR MR. LUCAS.
343
00:15:47,314 --> 00:15:49,058
ARE YOU FREE, MR. LUCAS?
344
00:15:49,082 --> 00:15:51,382
OH, AS FREE AS
AIR, MR. GRAINGER.
345
00:15:52,385 --> 00:15:54,618
YES, THAT'S THE ONE I WANT.
346
00:15:54,687 --> 00:15:56,732
THERE'S NO ACCOUNTING FOR TASTE.
347
00:15:56,756 --> 00:16:00,325
WELL, I'LL LEAVE YOU
WITH OUR MR. LUCAS.
348
00:16:00,393 --> 00:16:02,793
YES, I REMEMBER YOU,
SIR. YOU'RE THE GENTLEMAN
349
00:16:02,862 --> 00:16:05,707
I SOLD THE GLEN CHECK WITH
THE TWO VENTS TO LAST TUESDAY!
350
00:16:05,731 --> 00:16:07,065
THAT'S RIGHT.
351
00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:09,867
AND YOU SAID IF I
DECIDED I DIDN'T LIKE IT,
352
00:16:09,936 --> 00:16:12,270
I COULD BRING IT BACK, AND
YOU'D REFUND MY MONEY.
353
00:16:16,242 --> 00:16:17,575
DID I SAY THAT?
354
00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:20,044
YES, AND I DON'T LIKE IT.
355
00:16:20,113 --> 00:16:22,981
WELL, YOU DID LIKE IT!
356
00:16:23,049 --> 00:16:25,616
WELL, IT'S MY WIFE
THAT DOESN'T LIKE IT.
357
00:16:25,685 --> 00:16:28,386
GLEN CHECKS TAKE A
BIT OF GETTING USED TO.
358
00:16:28,455 --> 00:16:29,988
I DON'T WANT TO GET USED TO IT.
359
00:16:30,056 --> 00:16:31,655
I JUST WANT MY MONEY BACK.
360
00:16:31,724 --> 00:16:33,992
IF I MAY INTERRUPT
FOR A MOMENT, SIR.
361
00:16:34,060 --> 00:16:37,695
WE ARE, OF COURSE, WILLING TO
ACCEPT THE RETURN OF YOUR GARMENT.
362
00:16:37,763 --> 00:16:41,366
BUT IT IS NOT OUR
POLICY TO REFUND.
363
00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:44,246
WE CAN, HOWEVER, GIVE YOU A
CREDIT NOTE FOR THAT AMOUNT.
364
00:16:44,270 --> 00:16:45,870
BUT HE SAID IF I DIDN'T LIKE IT,
365
00:16:45,938 --> 00:16:47,671
I COULD HAVE MY MONEY BACK.
366
00:16:47,740 --> 00:16:49,874
DID YOU SAY THAT?
367
00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:53,444
I... I... I MIGHT HAVE DONE.
368
00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:55,079
"MIGHT"?
369
00:16:55,148 --> 00:16:57,581
IN A SUDDEN RUSH OF ENTHUSIASM,
370
00:16:57,650 --> 00:16:59,950
I MIGHT HAVE GIVEN
THAT IMPRESSION.
371
00:17:00,020 --> 00:17:02,320
MR. LUCAS, DID YOU
OR DID YOU NOT SAY
372
00:17:02,389 --> 00:17:05,156
THE CUSTOMER COULD HAVE HIS
MONEY BACK? I MUST HAVE AN ANSWER.
373
00:17:05,225 --> 00:17:08,459
HOW WOULD A LOOSE "YES" DO?
374
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:11,962
IN THE LIGHT OF
MR. LUCAS' CONFESSION, SIR,
375
00:17:12,032 --> 00:17:15,333
WE HAVE NO ALTERNATIVE
BUT TO RETURN YOUR MONEY.
376
00:17:15,402 --> 00:17:17,935
LUCAS, THE TILL.
377
00:17:20,073 --> 00:17:23,085
THINGS SEEM TO BE
IMPROVING FOR YOU, MR. LUCAS.
378
00:17:23,109 --> 00:17:24,820
HOW MUCH AM I TO RING UP?
379
00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:28,679
- RING DOWN £20
AND 50 PENCE.
- RING DOWN?
380
00:17:28,748 --> 00:17:31,148
GLASS OF WATER, MR. GRAINGER?
381
00:17:33,353 --> 00:17:35,586
WHAT A LOAD OF OLD
CODSWALLOP THIS IS.
382
00:17:35,655 --> 00:17:37,936
- WHY, ARE YOU
GOING OUT TONIGHT?
- NO.
383
00:17:39,359 --> 00:17:41,904
HOW ABOUT COMING OUT TO
THE PICTURES WITH ME, THEN?
384
00:17:41,928 --> 00:17:44,240
- WHAT'S ON?
- THERE'S "BAMBI"
AT STUDIO 2,
385
00:17:44,264 --> 00:17:47,144
THEN ROUND THE CORNER,
THERE'S "THE UNSATISFIED VIRGIN."
386
00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:51,669
I'VE SEEN "BAMBI."
387
00:17:51,737 --> 00:17:54,939
YOU CAN FORGET THAT. BY THE TIME
RUMBOLD'S FINISHED RABBITING ON,
388
00:17:55,007 --> 00:17:58,242
THE VIRGIN WILL HAVE BEEN
SATISFIED, AND THEY'LL HAVE GONE HOME.
389
00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:01,412
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
YOU PRETEND TO FAINT,
390
00:18:01,481 --> 00:18:03,047
AND I'LL CARRY YOU OUT.
391
00:18:03,116 --> 00:18:05,094
I CAN'T FAINT WITHOUT AN EXCUSE.
392
00:18:05,118 --> 00:18:06,750
TELL THEM YOU'RE HAVING A BABY.
393
00:18:06,819 --> 00:18:08,997
WHAT A PITY YOUR EAR
HOLES AREN'T A BIT BIGGER.
394
00:18:09,021 --> 00:18:11,689
- WHY?
- THEN YOU COULD SHOVE
A TOOTHBRUSH IN THEM
395
00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:14,192
AND CLEAN OUT THAT
FILTHY MIND OF YOURS.
396
00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:15,726
LOOK OUT. HERE COMES RUMBOLD.
397
00:18:15,795 --> 00:18:18,496
IS EVERYBODY HERE?
398
00:18:18,565 --> 00:18:20,405
OH, JUST COMING, MR. RUMBOLD.
399
00:18:20,467 --> 00:18:23,601
I WAS PUTTING MY
EVENING FACE ON.
400
00:18:23,669 --> 00:18:26,937
AND IT'S EVEN LOVELIER THAN
THE MORNING ONE, MRS. SLOCOMBE.
401
00:18:27,006 --> 00:18:29,140
OH, THANK YOU, MR. LUCAS.
402
00:18:29,209 --> 00:18:31,187
I'VE DELEGATED MR. HUMPHRIES
403
00:18:31,211 --> 00:18:32,988
TO GET SOME REFRESHMENTS
FROM THE CANTEEN, SIR.
404
00:18:33,012 --> 00:18:34,345
HOT COCOA AND BUNS.
405
00:18:34,414 --> 00:18:36,459
HOT COCOA, MISS BRAHMS.
DID YOU HEAR THAT?
406
00:18:36,483 --> 00:18:37,993
HOT COCOA AND BUNS.
407
00:18:38,017 --> 00:18:39,928
IT MAKES THE WHOLE
THING WORTHWHILE.
408
00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:43,554
OF COURSE, THERE'LL
BE A COLLECTION FOR IT.
409
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:46,824
I THINK MANAGEMENT WOULD
ALLOW THAT OUT OF THE PETTY CASH.
410
00:18:46,892 --> 00:18:48,737
OH, THAT'S MOST
GENEROUS, MR. RUMBOLD.
411
00:18:48,761 --> 00:18:51,474
YES, GRACE BROTHERS KNOW
HOW TO LOOK AFTER THEIR WORKERS.
412
00:18:51,498 --> 00:18:52,908
OH, WELL, WE DO OUR BEST.
413
00:18:52,932 --> 00:18:56,367
A SATISFIED TEAM
IS AN EFFICIENT TEAM.
414
00:18:56,436 --> 00:18:59,003
AND A SATISFIED VIRGIN
IS A VIRGIN NO LONGER.
415
00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:03,274
DINNER IS SERVED.
416
00:19:06,912 --> 00:19:08,624
WHERE SHALL I PUT IT?
417
00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:10,768
PERHAPS YOU CAN
SET IT ON THE TABLE.
418
00:19:13,019 --> 00:19:14,318
RIGHT. NOW, THEN.
419
00:19:14,387 --> 00:19:15,731
OH, OH, WHERE'S MR. GRAINGER?
420
00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:17,655
HE WAS HERE A
SHORT TIME AGO, SIR,
421
00:19:17,723 --> 00:19:19,290
TAKING STOCK OF HIS SHIRTS.
422
00:19:19,359 --> 00:19:20,991
SEE IF YOU CAN
FIND HIM, MR. LUCAS.
423
00:19:21,060 --> 00:19:22,738
OH, YES, CERTAINLY,
CAPTAIN PEACOCK.
424
00:19:22,762 --> 00:19:25,574
HE'S PROBABLY PUTTING
HIS EVENING SET OF TEETH IN.
425
00:19:25,598 --> 00:19:26,697
MR. GRAINGER?
426
00:19:26,766 --> 00:19:28,999
MR. GRAINGER? MISTER...?
427
00:19:29,068 --> 00:19:31,068
( gasping )
428
00:19:33,273 --> 00:19:35,313
I'VE GOT SOME BAD NEWS, SIR.
429
00:19:35,375 --> 00:19:39,810
I THINK MR. GRAINGER'S
DIED AT HIS POST.
430
00:19:39,879 --> 00:19:43,439
UNLESS I'M TERRIBLY MISTAKEN,
HE'S GONE DOWN WITH HIS SHIRTS.
431
00:19:44,484 --> 00:19:46,417
DON'T BE WITTY, MR. LUCAS.
432
00:19:46,486 --> 00:19:49,587
AFTER THIS MORNING'S INCIDENT,
YOUR CONTINUED EMPLOYMENT
433
00:19:49,656 --> 00:19:52,423
WITH GRACE BROTHERS IS A
MATTER FOR GRAVE DOUBT.
434
00:19:52,492 --> 00:19:54,925
( snoring )
435
00:19:54,994 --> 00:19:57,914
POOR OLD SOUL. HE'S
BEEN ON HIS FEET ALL DAY.
436
00:19:57,963 --> 00:20:00,809
HE PROBABLY GOES TO SLEEP
ABOUT THIS TIME ON THE TRAIN.
437
00:20:00,833 --> 00:20:02,032
MR. GRAINGER?
438
00:20:02,101 --> 00:20:04,134
- Rumbold: MR. GRAINGER?
- MR. GRAINGER?
439
00:20:04,204 --> 00:20:06,770
MISS BRAHMS. MR. GRAINGER?
440
00:20:06,839 --> 00:20:08,739
BALDY?
441
00:20:10,510 --> 00:20:14,011
ONE HESITATES TO LAY
HANDS ON HIM, STILL...
442
00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:15,924
NO, I WOULDN'T IF I
WERE YOU, MR. RUMBOLD.
443
00:20:15,948 --> 00:20:18,960
NO, JUST THINK OF IT... SUDDEN SHOCK,
HEART ATTACK, KICKS THE BUCKET.
444
00:20:18,984 --> 00:20:20,251
NEWS OF THE WORLD...
445
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:22,453
"AGED WORKER DIES
AT HANDS OF OVERSEER."
446
00:20:22,522 --> 00:20:24,533
THAT WOULDN'T LOOK
GOOD FOR GRACE BROTHERS.
447
00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:26,768
CAPTAIN PEACOCK, I
THINK I KNOW WHAT TO DO.
448
00:20:26,792 --> 00:20:29,059
AHEM... ARE YOU
FREE, MR. GRAINGER?
449
00:20:29,128 --> 00:20:31,128
YES, I'M FREE, MR. HUMPHRIES.
450
00:20:33,433 --> 00:20:36,144
- GOOD AFTERNOON, SIR.
- GOOD AFTERNOON,
MR. GRAINGER.
451
00:20:36,168 --> 00:20:37,746
I THINK WE'RE READY FOR YOU NOW.
452
00:20:37,770 --> 00:20:39,715
OH, I'M READY, I GUESS.
453
00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:42,673
NOW, IF YOU'LL ALL
TAKE YOUR PLACES.
454
00:20:43,710 --> 00:20:45,710
THANK YOU, CAPTAIN.
455
00:20:46,446 --> 00:20:47,878
NOW THEN...
456
00:20:47,947 --> 00:20:51,048
THE FIRST QUESTION
WE HAVE TO DECIDE ON IS:
457
00:20:51,117 --> 00:20:53,784
DO WE TAKE OUR
COCOA AND BUNS NOW,
458
00:20:53,853 --> 00:20:56,893
OR DO WE WAIT UNTIL WE'VE
BEEN GOING FOR AN HOUR OR TWO?
459
00:20:58,224 --> 00:20:59,635
PERHAPS WE SHOULD
ASK THE LADIES.
460
00:20:59,659 --> 00:21:03,527
MRS. SLOCOMBE, DO YOU FEEL
LIKE HAVING COCOA AND BUNS NOW?
461
00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:06,964
I NEVER FEEL LIKE
HAVING COCOA AND BUNS.
462
00:21:07,032 --> 00:21:09,177
IF I'D KNOWN THE FIRM
WAS GOING TO BE SO STINGY,
463
00:21:09,201 --> 00:21:12,436
I'D HAVE GONE OUT AND
HAD A WIMPY CHEESEBURGER.
464
00:21:12,505 --> 00:21:15,139
I BELIEVE THERE'S SOME
CHEESE IN THE BUNS.
465
00:21:15,207 --> 00:21:17,275
I DON'T LIKE CHEESE.
466
00:21:17,343 --> 00:21:20,444
THERE'S NOT VERY MUCH
CHEESE IN THE BUNS.
467
00:21:20,513 --> 00:21:23,481
WELL, I FEEL I SHOULD MENTION
468
00:21:23,549 --> 00:21:26,595
YOUNG MR. GRACE MAY BE COMING
THROUGH DURING OUR CONFERENCE,
469
00:21:26,619 --> 00:21:30,788
SO PERHAPS IT WOULD BE AS
WELL TO EAT NOW AND GET TO THE...
470
00:21:30,856 --> 00:21:33,223
GET THE BANQUET OVER
AND DONE WITH, YES.
471
00:21:33,293 --> 00:21:36,126
I SECOND THAT. AND LET'S
NOT BOTHER ABOUT SENIORITY,
472
00:21:36,195 --> 00:21:38,663
- LET'S JUST DIVE IN, EH?
- GOOD IDEA.
473
00:21:38,731 --> 00:21:40,809
WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE
MOTHER, MRS. SLOCOMBE?
474
00:21:40,833 --> 00:21:42,678
SEEING AS I'M NOT HAVING ANY,
475
00:21:42,702 --> 00:21:45,703
I DON'T SEE WHY I SHOULD
BE LUMBERED POURING IT OUT.
476
00:21:45,772 --> 00:21:48,350
PERHAPS YOU'D DO THE
HONORS, CAPTAIN PEACOCK.
477
00:21:48,374 --> 00:21:49,707
( mouth full ) CERTAINLY.
478
00:21:54,647 --> 00:21:57,948
IS THERE A SOFTER
ONE? THIS IS VERY HARD.
479
00:21:58,017 --> 00:22:00,217
I'LL SEE IF I CAN FIND
YOU A SOFTER ONE.
480
00:22:00,286 --> 00:22:01,352
WAIT A MINUTE.
481
00:22:01,421 --> 00:22:03,354
DO YOU MIND?!
482
00:22:05,825 --> 00:22:07,803
THOSE THAT YOU HAVEN'T
SQUEEZED AROUND,
483
00:22:07,827 --> 00:22:10,494
HE'S HAD HIS CHOPS AROUND.
484
00:22:10,563 --> 00:22:12,396
IT PUTS ME OFF.
485
00:22:12,465 --> 00:22:14,376
AREN'T YOU GOING TO
HAVE ONE, MR. RUMBOLD?
486
00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:17,234
NO, I DON'T THINK I
WANT ONE, THANK YOU.
487
00:22:17,303 --> 00:22:19,870
ANYONE ELSE FOR A
HALF-EATEN CHEESE ROLL?
488
00:22:19,939 --> 00:22:21,839
NO, THANK YOU.
489
00:22:21,907 --> 00:22:23,974
ANYONE FOR THE
CHEESE INSIDE, THEN?
490
00:22:24,043 --> 00:22:26,477
HARDLY USED. ONE CAREFUL OWNER.
491
00:22:26,546 --> 00:22:28,245
ANYONE NOT WANT COCOA?
492
00:22:28,314 --> 00:22:30,314
YES, BUT I'LL HAVE
SOME JUST THE SAME.
493
00:22:31,317 --> 00:22:32,916
OH, THAT'S LOVELY.
494
00:22:32,985 --> 00:22:35,964
THAT ARMY TRAINING CERTAINLY
CAME IN USEFUL, CAPTAIN PEACOCK.
495
00:22:35,988 --> 00:22:38,200
SHALL WE GET DOWN TO THE PURPOSE
496
00:22:38,224 --> 00:22:40,101
FOR WHICH WE ARE COME TOGETHER?
497
00:22:40,125 --> 00:22:42,738
I WAS WONDERING WHEN WE
WERE GOING TO GET ROUND TO THAT.
498
00:22:42,762 --> 00:22:44,206
NOW, THEN... AHEM...
499
00:22:44,230 --> 00:22:45,974
I THINK IT WOULD PAY US
500
00:22:45,998 --> 00:22:50,701
TO EXAMINE OUR WHOLE
MODUS OPERANDI, AS IT WERE,
501
00:22:50,770 --> 00:22:52,581
VIS-A-VIS THE HANDLING
OF CUSTOMERS
502
00:22:52,605 --> 00:22:54,216
FROM THE MOMENT THEY ARRIVE
503
00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:55,984
TO THE MOMENT WHEN
WE MAKE THE SALE...
504
00:22:56,008 --> 00:22:57,174
OR NOT.
505
00:22:59,245 --> 00:23:02,580
I SOMETIMES REGARD
OUR WHOLE ORGANIZATION
506
00:23:02,648 --> 00:23:05,082
AS A SHIP AT SEA.
507
00:23:05,150 --> 00:23:06,762
PEACOCK HERE IS AT THE HELM,
508
00:23:06,786 --> 00:23:08,564
KEEPING HIS EYES SKINNED,
509
00:23:08,588 --> 00:23:10,131
I AM IN THE ENGINE ROOM,
510
00:23:10,155 --> 00:23:12,901
MAKING SURE WE'RE ALL
GOING FULL STEAM AHEAD,
511
00:23:12,925 --> 00:23:14,725
AND YOU MEN ARE THE CREW.
512
00:23:14,761 --> 00:23:16,694
WHAT'S IT CALLED, THE TITANIC?
513
00:23:19,164 --> 00:23:21,565
AND WHAT ABOUT THE LADIES?
514
00:23:21,634 --> 00:23:24,134
OH, YOU'RE THE CREW, TOO.
515
00:23:24,203 --> 00:23:27,070
NOW, WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN THE LIFT DOORS OPEN
516
00:23:27,139 --> 00:23:28,650
AND OUT STEPS A CUSTOMER?
517
00:23:28,674 --> 00:23:30,318
WE ALL MAN THE LIFEBOATS.
518
00:23:30,342 --> 00:23:32,443
MR. LUCAS...!
519
00:23:32,512 --> 00:23:34,256
Rumbold: I WILL TELL
YOU WHAT HAPPENS.
520
00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:38,883
CAPTAIN PEACOCK SPOTS HIM AND
STEERS HIM OVER TO THE COUNTER.
521
00:23:38,951 --> 00:23:40,328
I SEE! YES, I SEE, SIR.
522
00:23:40,352 --> 00:23:42,664
THE CUSTOMER HAS
NOW BECOME THE SHIP,
523
00:23:42,688 --> 00:23:45,088
AND ALL THE COUNTERS ARE DOCKS.
524
00:23:45,157 --> 00:23:47,202
AND WHEN HE GETS TO
ONE OF OUR COUNTERS,
525
00:23:47,226 --> 00:23:49,004
WE TIE HIM UP WITH
OUR TAPE MEASURE
526
00:23:49,028 --> 00:23:51,988
AND HANG ONTO HIM
UNTIL HE'S BEEN UNLOADED.
527
00:23:53,399 --> 00:23:55,599
THAT'S NOT QUITE WHAT I MEANT.
528
00:23:55,668 --> 00:23:57,735
PERHAPS IF I COULD PUT IT, SIR,
529
00:23:57,804 --> 00:24:01,872
NOT MORE SUCCINCTLY, BUT IN A WAY
THAT WOULD BE MORE EASILY GRASPED
530
00:24:01,941 --> 00:24:04,875
BY THOSE UNABLE TO
UNDERSTAND YOUR SIMILE.
531
00:24:04,944 --> 00:24:07,878
I LOOK UPON IT AS A BATTLE.
532
00:24:07,947 --> 00:24:10,047
THE CUSTOMER IS THE ENEMY.
533
00:24:10,115 --> 00:24:12,750
WE DEPLOY OUR
FORCES, LIFT DOORS OPEN,
534
00:24:12,819 --> 00:24:14,485
CUSTOMER STEPS OUT,
AND WHAT HAPPENS?
535
00:24:14,554 --> 00:24:17,321
WE OPEN UP THE MACHINE
GUNS, AND BANG-BANG, HE'S DEAD.
536
00:24:17,389 --> 00:24:20,390
IF WE'RE GOING ON LIKE
THIS, I'M GOING HOME.
537
00:24:20,460 --> 00:24:22,125
BEAR WITH ME. BEAR WITH ME.
538
00:24:22,194 --> 00:24:26,129
NOW, I ENGAGE THE CUSTOMER
IN A LITTLE VERBAL SKIRMISH,
539
00:24:26,198 --> 00:24:29,667
HE IS THEN OUTFLANKED BY
THE EVER-ALERT MR. GRAINGER...
540
00:24:29,735 --> 00:24:31,902
( snoring )
541
00:24:33,405 --> 00:24:34,805
MR. HUMPHRIES...
542
00:24:34,874 --> 00:24:37,808
- ARE YOU FREE,
MR. GRAINGER?
- YES, I'M FREE!
543
00:24:37,877 --> 00:24:40,277
THANK YOU.
544
00:24:40,346 --> 00:24:42,746
NOW, THE TROUBLE APPEARS TO BE
545
00:24:42,815 --> 00:24:45,683
THAT SOME OF THE
CUSTOMERS ARE GETTING AWAY.
546
00:24:45,751 --> 00:24:48,886
NOW, WHERE IS THE
WEAK LINK IN THE CHAIN?
547
00:24:52,492 --> 00:24:55,170
I THINK YOU MAY HAVE SOMETHING
THERE, CAPTAIN PEACOCK.
548
00:24:55,194 --> 00:24:58,461
PERHAPS THERE IS A
WEAK LINK IN THE CHAIN.
549
00:24:58,531 --> 00:25:00,564
PERHAPS WE REALLY SHOULD EXAMINE
550
00:25:00,633 --> 00:25:02,967
OUR WHOLE CUSTOMER
HANDLING TECHNIQUE
551
00:25:03,035 --> 00:25:04,713
FROM THE VERY BEGINNING.
552
00:25:04,737 --> 00:25:06,604
NOW, I WILL BE A CUSTOMER.
553
00:25:06,672 --> 00:25:08,083
I SHALL ARRIVE IN THE LIFT,
554
00:25:08,107 --> 00:25:10,218
AND I WANT YOU ALL TO
TAKE ME RIGHT THROUGH,
555
00:25:10,242 --> 00:25:12,442
FROM THE MOMENT WHEN
CAPTAIN PEACOCK SPOTS ME
556
00:25:12,512 --> 00:25:14,189
TO THE MOMENT WHEN
WE MAKE THE SALE.
557
00:25:14,213 --> 00:25:16,213
GOOD IDEA, SIR.
558
00:25:18,384 --> 00:25:20,885
NOW, I WANT YOU ALL TO OBSERVE,
559
00:25:20,953 --> 00:25:23,554
VERY CAREFULLY, WHAT HAPPENS.
560
00:25:23,623 --> 00:25:25,863
WE MAY POSSIBLY LEARN
SOMETHING FROM THIS, HMM?
561
00:25:25,925 --> 00:25:27,357
QUITE.
562
00:25:27,426 --> 00:25:29,004
DEPLOY YOURSELVES IN
YOUR USUAL POSITIONS,
563
00:25:29,028 --> 00:25:30,961
AND KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN.
564
00:25:31,030 --> 00:25:33,630
AS MR. RUMBOLD SAYS, WE MAY
ALL LEARN SOMETHING FROM THIS.
565
00:25:37,670 --> 00:25:40,237
WE'RE READY, MR. RUMBOLD.
566
00:25:40,305 --> 00:25:42,640
( thumping )
567
00:25:45,578 --> 00:25:47,711
HE'S STUCK.
568
00:25:49,181 --> 00:25:51,515
GET HIM OUT, MR. HUMPHRIES.
569
00:25:51,584 --> 00:25:54,763
WE'VE CERTAINLY LEARNED
SOMETHING, MISS BRAHMS.
570
00:25:54,787 --> 00:25:56,965
WE'VE LEARNED THAT MR. RUMBOLD
571
00:25:56,989 --> 00:25:59,389
DOESN'T KNOW HOW
TO OPEN THE LIFTS.
572
00:26:02,061 --> 00:26:04,528
I'M SORRY, I PUSHED
THE FLOOR BUTTON,
573
00:26:04,597 --> 00:26:06,363
THEN THE LIFT MOVED,
574
00:26:06,432 --> 00:26:08,165
SO I PUSHED THE EMERGENCY STOP,
575
00:26:08,233 --> 00:26:10,568
AND THEN OF COURSE,
THE DOORS WOULDN'T OPEN.
576
00:26:10,636 --> 00:26:13,481
- ( bell rings )
- THERE'S SOMEBODY COMING
DOWN IN THE OTHER LIFT.
577
00:26:13,505 --> 00:26:16,640
- THAT'LL BE
YOUNG MR. GRACE.
- IS MY HAIR TIDY?
578
00:26:16,709 --> 00:26:18,386
STRAIGHTEN YOURSELVES UP.
579
00:26:18,410 --> 00:26:20,890
YOUNG MR. GRACE IS COMING DOWN.
580
00:26:21,647 --> 00:26:23,513
GOOD EVENING, SIR.
581
00:26:26,919 --> 00:26:29,219
Young Mr. Grace: GOOD
EVENING, EVERYBODY.
582
00:26:29,288 --> 00:26:32,690
All: GOOD EVENING, MR. GRACE.
583
00:26:32,758 --> 00:26:36,226
I HEAR YOU'VE BEEN HAVING
A SALES CONFERENCE.
584
00:26:36,295 --> 00:26:38,261
THAT'S RIGHT, MR. GRACE.
585
00:26:38,330 --> 00:26:39,741
IT'S BEEN GOING VERY WELL, SIR.
586
00:26:39,765 --> 00:26:41,899
I WAS A SALESMAN ONCE, YOU KNOW.
587
00:26:41,968 --> 00:26:44,434
I HAD A STALL IN THE MARKET.
588
00:26:44,503 --> 00:26:46,670
WE SOLD FISH.
589
00:26:46,739 --> 00:26:49,172
SMELLY STUFF.
590
00:26:49,241 --> 00:26:52,710
YOU WERE VERY WISE TO HAVE A
DEPARTMENT STORE INSTEAD, MR. GRACE.
591
00:26:52,778 --> 00:26:55,423
BEEN HAVING A GOOD
TUCK-IN, MRS. SLOCOMBE?
592
00:26:55,447 --> 00:26:58,348
OH, YES, THANK YOU,
MR. GRACE. IT WAS DELICIOUS.
593
00:26:58,417 --> 00:27:00,963
GOOD. I'M GLAD WE'RE
LOOKING AFTER YOU.
594
00:27:00,987 --> 00:27:03,887
WELL, YOU'VE ALL DONE VERY WELL.
595
00:27:03,956 --> 00:27:05,400
IT'S TIME YOU ALL WENT HOME.
596
00:27:05,424 --> 00:27:07,625
All: THANK YOU, MR. GRACE.
597
00:27:07,693 --> 00:27:09,994
- COAT, SIR?
- OH, THANK YOU.
598
00:27:13,833 --> 00:27:16,044
YOU'RE A CHEEKY YOUNG
MONKEY, AREN'T YOU?
599
00:27:16,068 --> 00:27:18,468
ONE OF OUR MOST
PROMISING YOUNG MEN, SIR.
600
00:27:18,537 --> 00:27:21,972
IT'S A GOOD FIT...
NICE MATERIAL.
601
00:27:22,041 --> 00:27:23,741
IT'S VICUNA, SIR.
602
00:27:23,809 --> 00:27:25,609
YES, I ALWAYS WEAR VICUNA.
603
00:27:25,678 --> 00:27:29,046
WELL, I'LL TAKE IT.
604
00:27:29,115 --> 00:27:31,581
HAVE IT PUT ON MY ACCOUNT.
605
00:27:31,651 --> 00:27:34,018
A VERY FORCEFUL SALE.
606
00:27:34,086 --> 00:27:36,419
PERSONALLY TRAINED BY ME, SIR.
607
00:27:36,488 --> 00:27:38,466
WE COULD DO WITH
MORE OF THAT SORT.
608
00:27:38,490 --> 00:27:40,223
YES, INDEED, SIR.
609
00:27:40,292 --> 00:27:43,127
DON'T BE LATE IN THE MORNING.
610
00:27:43,195 --> 00:27:44,773
All: NO, MR. GRACE.
611
00:27:44,797 --> 00:27:46,917
YOU'VE ALL DONE VERY WELL.
612
00:27:46,966 --> 00:27:48,766
All: THANK YOU, MR. GRACE.
613
00:27:51,303 --> 00:27:52,736
( chuckles ) WELL...
614
00:27:52,805 --> 00:27:54,538
HE SEEMS IN A VERY GOOD MOOD.
615
00:27:54,606 --> 00:27:57,086
I'VE SELDOM SEEN HIM
IN SUCH A GOOD MOOD.
616
00:27:58,210 --> 00:28:01,145
THAT WAS A VERY SMART
BIT OF SELLING, MR. LUCAS.
617
00:28:01,213 --> 00:28:04,247
YOU SEE, THE SMILE
DOES THE TRICK.
618
00:28:04,316 --> 00:28:06,583
OH, IT DOES INDEED,
MR. RUMBOLD, YES.
619
00:28:06,652 --> 00:28:09,519
YOU OBVIOUSLY KNOW
YOUR STOCK VERY WELL.
620
00:28:09,588 --> 00:28:11,521
EVEN I WAS UNAWARE
621
00:28:11,590 --> 00:28:13,724
THAT WE HAD A VICUNA COAT.
622
00:28:13,793 --> 00:28:15,425
WE HAVEN'T.
623
00:28:15,494 --> 00:28:19,096
MR. LUCAS SOLD
MR. GRACE HIS OWN COAT.
624
00:28:24,236 --> 00:28:28,839
MR. LUCAS SOLD
MR. GRACE MR. LUCAS' COAT?
625
00:28:28,908 --> 00:28:30,507
NO...
626
00:28:30,576 --> 00:28:34,011
MR. LUCAS SOLD MR. GRACE
MR. GRACE'S COAT.
627
00:28:35,681 --> 00:28:37,514
I SEE.
628
00:28:37,583 --> 00:28:40,084
I THINK WE'VE ALL LEARNED
629
00:28:40,152 --> 00:28:42,720
A GREAT DEAL THIS EVENING.
630
00:28:45,457 --> 00:28:48,325
HERE, DO YOU STILL FANCY
"THE UNSATISFIED VIRGIN"?
631
00:28:48,393 --> 00:28:51,628
- I'M GAME IF YOU'RE GAME.
- ALL RIGHT, THEN. COME ON.
632
00:28:55,667 --> 00:28:59,970
I MUST PRACTICE
THAT SMILE MYSELF.
633
00:29:00,039 --> 00:29:03,040
( theme music plays )
634
00:29:05,845 --> 00:29:08,389
♪ GROUND FLOOR... PERFUMERY,
STATIONERY, AND LEATHER GOODS ♪
635
00:29:08,413 --> 00:29:11,081
♪ WIGS AND HABERDASHERY
KITCHENWARE AND FOOD... ♪
636
00:29:11,150 --> 00:29:13,150
♪ GOING UP... ♪
637
00:29:16,889 --> 00:29:19,656
♪ FIRST FLOOR... TELEPHONES,
GENTS' READYMADE SUITS ♪
638
00:29:19,725 --> 00:29:22,425
♪ SHIRTS, SOCKS, TIES, HATS,
UNDERWEAR AND SHOES ♪
639
00:29:22,494 --> 00:29:24,928
♪ GOING UP... ♪
640
00:29:28,533 --> 00:29:31,701
♪ SECOND FLOOR... CARPETS,
TRAVEL GOODS AND BEDDING ♪
641
00:29:31,771 --> 00:29:34,604
♪ MATERIAL, SOFT FURNISHINGS
RESTAURANT AND TEAS ♪
642
00:29:34,673 --> 00:29:36,673
♪ GOING DOWN. ♪